index card box

Immortals

In June 1997, I took a month out to travel the country, visiting a community regeneration project almost every weekday.  This followed a period of great stress and confusion as we set up Attercliffe and Darnall Community Enterprises in Sheffield.  We had all our key staff in place and my aim was to tour the country and find more ideas for economic regeneration.

I visited only one project twice.  The reason was HM, the founder of a Community Development Trust (CDT), had just retired and the day I visited was the day he was setting up his new office. HM was an ordained Anglican minister and the reason I made contact with him was with Industrial Mission, similar to my employers at the time.

His office was in a church vestry, some distance from the CDT. He wasn’t in a position to show me around that day but we had a conversation and agreed it would be worth returning in a couple of weeks, when he would be able to show me around.  If memory serves he had been running the CDT but now he’d pulled out almost completely.  He retained a small role as an adviser but he wanted to keep a strategic distance, to allow space for his successor.

The purpose of the office was for his new role as a coach for leaders of urban regeneration projects.  He had a lot of takers because he had a brilliant reputation and many senior people trusted in his guidance.  He explained that he was keenly aware that he could not depend on doing this for many years and so he was planning how to pass on his work to others.

This reminded me of a course I took a few years earlier.  Citizens’ Organising (CO) came to Britain from the US in the 1980s and by the early 90s was well established in Bristol and a few other places.  I admire CO but it never really worked out in Britain, possibly because so much community development depends on government grants, which means they don’t have the same freedoms to act as their US equivalents. 

I always joke that I failed the course because good organisers get angry and I was too phlegmatic (cue guffaws from people who know me).  Maybe I didn’t make the grade as a leader but one thing stuck in my mind that resonated with what HM told me.  CO teaches that one of the marks of a good leader is they are aware of their own mortality.  As such they know they are in their position as leader for a limited period and therefore they must prepare their successors.

About a year after my visit to HM, I was preparing some funding proposal for my employers.  I needed to ask HM some question relating to his work with his CDT.  I phoned him.  A woman answered.  She told me HM had had a severe stroke and could no longer speak.  He had prepared her to take over his role, so that his work would continue.

She knew who I was and she was able to answer my enquiry.

Over the years I have met many community and organisational leaders who act as if they will live forever.  They hang around after retirement or sort of leave but hover in the background, unaware they are not indispensable and could jeopardise the future of their precious organisation.  HM was unusually aware of this and whilst staying in the area and pursuing his interests in new ways, guarded against these dangers.  He was able to pass on his legacy to someone else.

Isolation is not always about being alone.  So many leaders become isolated through their belief they are indispensable.  As such they often self-sabotage.  To live as one who is mortal is a gift that paradoxically may lead to living on in the minds and actions of many others and that is the meaning of solitude. 

Day 11/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Keep Off the Grass. Next: The Food of Love.

grass

Keep Off the Grass

Looking back to the 50s and 60s, it seems a different world.  Perhaps a defining character in that world was the Parkie.  Often the nemesis of cartoon characters such as Dennis the Menace or Buster, they nevertheless existed back in the day.

These days there is no such thing as the Park Keeper.  Council operatives arrive now and again in a van to do some maintenance work but the park’s left to its own devices otherwise.  The Park Keeper’s job was to watch out for anyone, especially children, who broke the park’s rules.  If a sign said “Keep Off the Grass”, it meant exactly that.  These signs were reserved for the posh bits of the park.  Woe betide anyone who set foot on them, they were likely to be severely shouted at!  Riding bikes on the paths was another serious infringement.  Does scooting on the pedal count as riding the bike?  We tried it and got shouted at. 

All of this made some sort of sense.  It was fairly obvious why these rules existed and were enforced.  Walks through parks in Sheffield these days would be much improved by the absence of bikes! 

I suspect the main reason for the demise of the park keeper was financial and not so much changes in social mores.  Although I suspect it would be hard to reintroduce the same roles, given concerns over safeguarding and more pertinently, people not liking being shouted at (especially self-righteous cyclists – but I mustn’t rant!)

My point is though we did try scooting on the pedal and we were shouted at.  We were testing the boundaries.   How do you do that in a world where nobody cares?

Just like most kids, testing the boundaries is something we naturally did.   Would that more people carried this into later life.

Back in the early 80s, my first proper job as a development worker was with a Methodist Church in Middlesbrough.  My time with the Peace Movement in Newcastle plus a rather traumatic time in my last appointment, meant I arrived somewhat bolshy. 

When I left, one of the church members told me they had seen my lapel badge that read “Question Authority” and concluded I needed support.  They agreed this and provided it.  They’re the reason I stayed with Methodism, Methodist’s are mostly supportive of the awkward and angular.

In my own defence, if I may, the badge didn’t say ‘disobey authority’.   During the 90s, a friend introduced me to Thomas Cullinan’s “The Passion of Political Love”.  You don’t have to read beyond the first page.  Cullinan was a Jesuit and so made vows of obedience.  But he asks straight out, what is obedience?  The obedient are those who listen, who pay attention.  The opposite of obedience is not disobedience, it is acting inappropriately. 

During the 90s I learned how to use participative methods in my development work, methods such as Participatory Appraisal and Open Space Technology.  These methods worked brilliantly with local residents, not so well with professionals and worst of all with religious!  Actually, religious are OK with these methods unless someone with authority is present.  People at the level of Bishop, for example.  I found it was not necessarily their fault but when they speak, everyone stops listening to each other!  This is most likely true in other walks of life. 

I became self-employed about 9 years ago and started out offering website design.  My problem was I could see that whether a website works depends on the organisation that owns it.  My first customers did not welcome my approach, “we asked you to design a website, not tell us how to run our organisation”.  This is what led me to offer marketing coaching instead.

The problem is business owners, do not know their own business.  This may sound arrogant but when did you last have an in-depth conversation with someone about your business?  Not a sales pitch but the sort of conversation where you leave seeing things differently?

I’ve found over the years people with problems approach me with solutions.  “We need a website” is a solution to what problem?  It is essential to understand the problem first.  People spend too much money and time implementing solutions that are brilliant for someone else’s problem. 

We see the same tendency in politics.  What is the problem HS2/Brexit/changing the party leader is meant to solve?  Knowing the problem, not the immediate issue but the deep seated reasons it exists, is far more important than finding a solution.

We avoid doing this properly because it is likely to be uncomfortable.  It’s a good job I don’t much mind being shouted at!

Day 10/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Tale of Two Cities. Next: Immortals.

water wheelm similar to Sheffield's

Tale of Two Cities

I walk every day.  Once I offered a 10 minute talk about the benefits of walking to a business network meeting.  Someone asked how they could find the time, as they would have to drive out to the country.  Just leave the house, close the door and start walking, I said.  Walking in the city counts as walking!

It’s easy to extol the benefits of walking: physical, mental, environmental (observing and protecting), social, spiritual …  I add to that list: historical.  Wandering around and observing, you can learn a lot about local history.  Plaques and interpretation boards are very common everywhere in the UK.  But looking at buildings, especially above street level, can tell you a lot.  There is an emotional element for me because these are the streets my parents and grandparents walked.  History helps me remember.

Think of an outline of a wineglass: bowl and stem.  The River Don flows into Sheffield from the North West, bends north of the city centre and flows out towards the North East.  The River Sheaf flows into the Don at the bottom of the wineglass.  Sheffield gets its name from Sheaf.

There are actually 5 rivers in all.  That’s why the locals say Sheffield’s built on seven hills (like Rome).  You can follow them all, more or less and then you learn loads about the Industrial history of the city.  They’re often culverted and if you walk through the culverts (there are videos on YouTube) you see the remains of ancient bridges, incorporated into the coverings.  The Sheaf is hard to follow, although I’ve done it above ground.  The Porter is more familiar.  It flows into the Sheaf under platform 5 of the railway station.

Along the Porter you see many damns built to power water wheels that drove the grinding industry.  As industry became independent of water, it clustered around the Sheaf, all the way into the city centre.  Then it moved into the Lower Don Valley, in the North West of the city.

This is the best place for it because the prevailing wind is from the South East (hence the SE of the city is the wealthiest) and so blows air pollution out of the NW of the City.  Water pollution in the Don flows in the same direction.  Thus everyone in Sheffield is happy and we’re used to not listening to the residents of Rotherham on the receiving end of our waste.

You need to understand the geography to understand why the 20th century is a tale of two cities.  You could argue it’s two cities all the time, the wealthiest parliamentary constituency in the country in the SE and some of the poorest parts in the North.

But that’s not what is usually meant.  The city centre was blitzed during the war.  Why Sheffield?  It wasn’t the only city blitzed. It was targeted because the industry in the Lower Don Valley produced munitions.  For some reason they failed to hit the industry but demolished the city centre. 

My father’s grandmother, I think she was Grandmother Sissons, was an entrepreneur.  She owned an hotel (or doss house) and a row of cottages on Whitham Road.  This is where the University of Sheffield Richard Roberts Building is now.  The end terrace was a scrap yard, on what’s now the University roundabout.  Most of the cottages were inhabited by members of great-grandnother’s family.  The scrap yard was owned by another family.  My father played out with a little girl from that family.

War touched them in many ways.  My sister did some research recently.  It seems my father’s father, whom I never knew, fought in the First World War.  She believes he was punished for cowardice or something, what today we would call post-traumatic stress disorder.  She remembers my father talking about domestic abuse. 

My father ran wild around the area, an area I know very well.  He collected a shoe box full of shrapnel and later showed me railings with lumps blown out.  The Rec had a great slope for sledging down to a football pitch.  They put a barrage balloon there during the war.  A friend of my father’s sledged down the slope, didn’t stop and ran into a wire at speed.  It sliced through both his cheeks.

One night a bomb fell on the scrap yard and the family there were wiped out.  It demolished the cottages but the inhabitants were in shelters.  They survived because it was not a direct hit.  This split the family.

When I was a kid in the 50s, I didn’t realise the building work was on bomb sites.  I witnessed the rebuilding of the city centre.  Mark Steel, a British comedian, visited Sheffield recently and he said the people of Sheffield woke up the morning after the blitz, looked at the mess and thought “I quite like the look of that”. 

The second city included the T’oil int Ro-ad.  The hole in the road made Sheffield the greatest shopping centre outside of London from the late 60s to the 80s.  That’s gone now.  It feels more like a tale of three cities these days.  We’re still seeing buildings demolished to make way for a renewed city centre.  I watched one going down just a few weeks ago.  It’s as if the city has never found comfort after the war.

Trauma sometimes touches whole communities.  Both my parents’ families remembered the blitz, lived through them, sometimes fearful, sometimes with laughter.  And now as I walk around I see two, maybe three, cities and hear the footsteps of my ancestors.  “Where the hell are we?”

Day 9/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Workhouse. Next: Keep Off the Grass.

Slice custard tart

Workhouse

We were a bit scared of L, our mother’s mother.  She was much stricter with us than our father’s mother.  L was house-proud and believed in standards and that we all had to follow them.  But I remember her too as someone who cared for us, had a wicked albeit intermittent sense of humour and she was a brilliant cook.

Her sausages, mashed potato, garden peas and thin gravy was something we looked forward to when we visited on weekday lunchtimes.   She made a great tripe onions, which my grandfather enjoyed and we were somewhat wary of.  (Apparently adult meat eaters relish it.)  And in the same oven she would bake a rice pudding with a lovely brown skin.  Sometimes you could see the pinkish tinge that marks the perfect pudding.  Family lore had it that when they were first married, my grandfather showed appreciation for her rice pudding and she made it every day thereafter for over 60 years, although they graduated to tins of Ambrosia Creamed Rice in later years.

Her other great speciality was custard tart.  This was a treat after Sunday afternoon tea.  We were allowed to eat it after we finished our ham salad, which was somewhat problematic.

We visited every Sunday afternoon.  Sometimes we sat in the front room (only deployed on Sundays and other feast days) and watched the neighbours walk to church.  L had all the information about what was happening in their lives.  Or else we would visit a bewildering array of relatives and friends.  I remember names and not faces or faces and not names.  And where they all fitted in is lost in the mists of time.

I remember once we took her to visit a relative, may have been her sister, who was in Northern General Hospital.  We had to wait in the car.  My father remarked that L was afraid of the place because it used to be the workhouse.  She was adamant she was not going to be put in a home.

My teenage years were a bit of a struggle.  L was very adept at mithering.  Going on about some failing at great length.  She was concerned for me but it came out as profoundly irritating.  “Whenuru gonna goan gerran haircut?”  was her battlecry.  And then even more devastating for a teenager, “Whenuru gonna goan gerra woman?”  I disappointed her in both respects.  But I learned later they had experienced extreme poverty after they were married and so she was concerned.  She had all her teeth out as a wedding gift to save on dentist’s bills.

My grandfather died in the early 80s and my mother in 1988.  After my grandfather died she became more dependent on my mother who became increasingly irritated.  She stopped reaching out to family, friends and neighbours.  My father, who she never really approved of, became her main carer within the family.

She had a couple of home helps who were concerned about her and they suggested she might benefit from respite care for a week.  She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s by then and so she qualified.  I was drafted in to help.

We set out in my father’s car, she was in the front seat and I sat in the back.  The two home helps followed in their car.  We arrived at the nursing home.  We got out of the car and she refused to move.  She was not going in a home.  The home helps drove up and had a go, for they were professionals.  She refused.  She was not going in a home.  Then two staff came out of the home.  They were even more professional and they were men.  Even they failed.  She was not going in a home.

Finally, the manager came out of the home, called a halt and invited my father and me into his office.  Look, he said, I’m a social worker not a doctor but she had not got Alzheimer’s.  No-one with Alzheimer’s could possibly fight like that.  And so we had to take her home. 

It was bleak but she seemed content to be where she was.  One day, when she was 90, I visited.  “You know,” she said, “I’m 100 years old and I still feel like a teenager.”

Soon after she had a few strokes.  It was a species of Alzheimer’s that progresses in fits and starts.  The hospital put its foot down, she had to go into a home.  My father and I visited a few and found one where the staff seemed friendly.  She was still mischievous.  I remember one visit where she decided she didn’t want a biscuit and so deliberately dropped it between the arms of our chairs.  She laughed.

And then she died.

It was hard.  My father and I tried our best but small decisions accumulate and we found ourselves somewhere we never wanted to be.

In adversity, she chose isolation, to cut herself off from the world.  Apart from the strokes, I don’t believe there was anything wrong with her, physical or mental.  It was grief that consumed her and can any of us be certain we would never do the same?

Day 8/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Newspapers. Next: Tale of Two Cities.

Collage from newapaper supplementsts

Newspapers

From the earliest I can remember, my parents were reading.  As I grew older, I joined them.  When I think about it, their reading was phenomenal.

This was in the fifties and early 60s.  They received three newspapers, every weekday, Monday to Saturday. 

My father read The Daily Herald.  This was a left-wing newspaper, and once it was bought out by Rupert Murdoch and became The Sun, my father stopped reading it.  I remember the transition from broadsheet to tabloid.  The first edition featured a cartoon on the front page, showing a woman watching the paper come through the letterbox and saying, “Look Dear, it’s our first Sun”. 

My mother read The Daily Mirror.  This was also left leaning, although a lighter read.  In its origins, it was a women’s paper but by then not so much.  It had more cartoons than The Herald, including Andy Capp, The Perishers and Garth.  I followed these for years.

The third paper was The Sheffield Star, an evening paper.  This was politically right-wing.  It still is but the reason I no longer read it is its unreliability.  I’ve seen it report several things, I know from experience are untrue. 

On Sundays we received two papers, The People and The Sunday Express.  The former was left wing-ish and I can’t remember what happened to it.  The latter was very Conservative.  One of the journalists was William Rees-Mogg, father of the current Rees-Mogg.  It was though, home of one of the all-time great cartoonists, Giles. 

Then there were magazines.  My mother was a prodigious reader.  She read three magazines each week: Woman, Woman’s Own and Woman’s Realm.  My father read The New Statesman and in those days, under editor Kingsley Martin, it had no pictures, just solid print from the front cover.  At first I thought it boring.  Then I started to read it and my parents sent it to me with a letter each week, when I was at university.  I still subscribe today.  If you count my father, I’ve read it continuously longer than I’ve been alive!  On top of that we received both The Radio Times and The TV Times, each week.

On top of all that, both my sister and I received a couple of comics every week.  You’ll forgive me if I don’t list them all – we both changed them frequently over the years.

I don’t remember owning a lot of books as a child.  I must have owned some but it certainly wasn’t like it is now, where I have to climb over piles of books, whenever I move around the house.  I’ve no idea where they all come from. 

We were all members of the Central Library on Surrey Street in Sheffield.  I remember using the Children’s Library (still there) where I read most of Enid Blyton plus Biggles and Jennings.  As I grew older, my first love was Science Fiction and I moved to the adult library to read the likes of Clarke and Asimov.   This led me to Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World.  Then I tried some of his other books, such as Eyeless in Gaza or Point Counterpoint

My big breakthrough was when I saw a copy of Tolstoy’s War and Peace.   Well, I thought, I’ve ploughed through Huxley, it can’t be more difficult!  This led to an interest in Russian Literature.  I devoured Tolstoy, Turgenev, Gogol, Solzhenitsyn and Dostoyevsky.  My mother teased when I went to University interviews, if they asked me what I’m reading, I was to reply “T’Idiot”. 

My mother almost always had books on the go, mostly romances and she read them very quickly.  I remember she took a couple of days to read the whole of The Lord of the Rings.    She wasn’t impressed; I was, it had taken me weeks!

My father read books about politics, art, philosophy and religion.  I watched him and in time copied him.  I was never interested in steel but what he did at home had a lasting impact.

None of this was especially celebrated, it was something we did.  We sat in front of the tele, reading.  My father would occasionally share something he read and appreciated but mostly we got on with it.

I have no idea whether other families did this and so it is hard to generalise.  First, both parents enjoyed reading.  It matters little that their interests were so different.  They enjoyed it and shared that enjoyment by doing it together and with their children.

This was rooted before television.  It started before we had one and even when we first had one, programmes were restricted to set times.  As television developed, we simply got used to reading in front of it.   

There was something else too.  Before the years when most people went to University, working class people had to be self-educated.  Many were autodidacts and somehow my parents picked up the habit.  They bettered themselves by reading. 

One last point.  Reading is a great way into solitude.  It is a place where two minds encounter, the author and the reader.  To be lost in a book is a way to escape the world and at the same time engage with it.  We disengage when we are worried.  To break the cycle of obsession, by going elsewhere in our minds, helps us forget reality and at the same time see our troubles in a wider context.

Soon after my mother died, my father invested in a massive book of fairy stories and read one a day.  They weren’t long stories and took only a few minutes.  The routine and vision of other worlds helped him.

During the 1980s, as my father approached retirement and before my mother died, they took up American Square Dancing.  I’ve no idea whether they practice this in America but it is similar to and quite different from Ceilidhs.  They took it to the lengths of competing and for that they needed a team and so they needed a name.  The name they chose was “Steel City Squares”.

The Steel City is, as I’m sure you know, Sheffield.  Built on seven hills with 5 main rivers, it was the home of iron and then steel, from the earliest times.  By the twentieth century, Sheffield boasted several major steelworks in the Lower Don Valley.  A few survive today. 

This was the world my father inhabited during his working life.  The hammers, the furnaces, the rolling mills, grinders and buffers were all familiar to him.  He knew the smells, the dust, the noise …  But unlike most who worked in the shops, he was self-employed. 

I have lost track of his early working life.  He did national service for three years but I think he started work at an earlier age, possibly 16.  He seems to have been mentored by his Uncle Eric, who was not much older than he was.  Dad’s mother, Elsie had three sisters – Nellie, Annie and Maud plus two brothers – Herbert and Eric.  Eric was the kid brother.  He showed my father how to do roof work, putting up steel chimneys, it was great fun and they were unencumbered by Health and Safety!  At this time, my father got his sole qualification, through night school, in technical drawing.

Uncle Eric died at the age of 26, I’m not sure how he died but I gather it was some illness.  My father married and soon after decided to go it alone.

He was in business from 1956 to 1986, which was a success.  He bought a house and helped me and my sister through university.  This was success to a degree but we need to understand what motivated him.

He set out to make bespoke (my word) machine guards, ducting and balustrading.  (He enjoyed wrought iron, for gates and fences and at one time there was loads of his work around Sheffield but this never paid and so he reluctantly dropped it.)

 The thing that motivated him was not so much the crafting and installing of things but the problem solving.  Mass produced solutions are always cheaper but all the things my father made were unique.  The configurations of buildings and the juxtaposition of machines within them, meant there was nothing readily available that met the needs of a factory. 

My father would visit, find out what they needed and measure up.  Then he would go to the drawing board, design something new and then his men would make it.  This may sound simple but he never found anyone else who could do what he did.

Once someone called him in.  They needed to get a huge boiler into the cellar.  They said they wanted my father to put some pulleys onto the cellar head.  Then he could lower the boiler into the cellar.  My father said it would cost £300 (a lot of money).  They looked downcast and so my father said, they could try something else first.  He suggested they call together 6 of their men and tell them they would have an extra £10 in their pay packet of the boiler was in the cellar the next morning.  If not, they would have lost nothing and my father would do it.  The next morning, my father’s phone rang.  The manager was delighted.  He said my father was a miracle worker.  The boiler was in the cellar!*  The manager told loads of other people too, which was good for business.  My father had done nothing!

One day, my father came home and announced he had discovered that he was an entrepreneur!  But was he?  Entrepreneurs build businesses, my father enjoyed solving problems in steel. 

The reality was the business fizzled out in the 1980s.  There were four reasons I know of.  My father found that neither the Conservatives nor Labour cared for small businesses.  He was a lifelong socialist and yet found the unions always sided with his workers, no matter how feckless they were. 

Chasing payments was a constant headache.  Everyone was awaiting payments and when one came through, they would pass it along the line.  There was no point taking a debtor to court because they were in the same boat.  The money would come through eventually.  This played havoc with cash flows.  Even worse was the end creditor, like the Inland Revenue.  They did use the courts and if they made a business bankrupt, all their creditors lost out.

The third problem was the closure of many steel businesses in the mid-1980s.  Many of my father’s regular customers disappeared overnight.

Finally, my father had multiple sclerosis.  It affected his right hand side.  He didn’t know where those limbs were.  This was not good when he was climbing on rooves and erecting chimneys.

Looking back at this history, I think he became increasingly isolated in the business world.  Overnight his business became anachronistic.  He had the inner resources to take this philosophically, he taught himself to meditate and this helped immensely.  He lost his purpose, was constrained by MS and for the last 15 years of his life mourned the passing of his wife.  And yet he was calm and unaware of the inspiration he was to friends and neighbours. 

He made two interlocking squares from metal, the logo for Steel City Squares.  They were still there when we sold the house.

Day 7/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Steel. Next: Workhouse.

Bending sheet metal

Steel

During the 1980s, as my father approached retirement and before my mother died, they took up American Square Dancing.  I’ve no idea whether they practice this in America but it is similar to and quite different from Ceilidhs.  They took it to the lengths of competing and for that they needed a team and so they needed a name.  The name they chose was “Steel City Squares”.

The Steel City is, as I’m sure you know, Sheffield.  Built on seven hills with 5 main rivers, it was the home of iron and then steel, from the earliest times.  By the twentieth century, Sheffield boasted several major steelworks in the Lower Don Valley.  A few survive today. 

This was the world my father inhabited during his working life.  The hammers, the furnaces, the rolling mills, grinders and buffers were all familiar to him.  He knew the smells, the dust, the noise …  But unlike most who worked in the shops, he was self-employed. 

I have lost track of his early working life.  He did national service for three years but I think he started work at an earlier age, possibly 16.  He seems to have been mentored by his Uncle Eric, who was not much older than he was.  Dad’s mother, Elsie had three sisters – Nellie, Annie and Maud plus two brothers – Herbert and Eric.  Eric was the kid brother.  He showed my father how to do roof work, putting up steel chimneys, it was great fun and they were unencumbered by Health and Safety!  At this time, my father got his sole qualification, through night school, in technical drawing.

Uncle Eric died at the age of 26, I’m not sure how he died but I gather it was some illness.  My father married and soon after decided to go it alone.

He was in business from 1956 to 1986, which was a success.  He bought a house and helped me and my sister through university.  This was success to a degree but we need to understand what motivated him.

He set out to make bespoke (my word) machine guards, ducting and balustrading.  (He enjoyed wrought iron, for gates and fences and at one time there was loads of his work around Sheffield but this never paid and so he reluctantly dropped it.)

 The thing that motivated him was not so much the crafting and installing of things but the problem solving.  Mass produced solutions are always cheaper but all the things my father made were unique.  The configurations of buildings and the juxtaposition of machines within them, meant there was nothing readily available that met the needs of a factory. 

My father would visit, find out what they needed and measure up.  Then he would go to the drawing board, design something new and then his men would make it.  This may sound simple but he never found anyone else who could do what he did.

Once someone called him in.  They needed to get a huge boiler into the cellar.  They said they wanted my father to put some pulleys onto the cellar head.  Then he could lower the boiler into the cellar.  My father said it would cost £300 (a lot of money).  They looked downcast and so my father said, they could try something else first.  He suggested they call together 6 of their men and tell them they would have an extra £10 in their pay packet of the boiler was in the cellar the next morning.  If not, they would have lost nothing and my father would do it.  The next morning, my father’s phone rang.  The manager was delighted.  He said my father was a miracle worker.  The boiler was in the cellar!*  The manager told loads of other people too, which was good for business.  My father had done nothing!

One day, my father came home and announced he had discovered that he was an entrepreneur!  But was he?  Entrepreneurs build businesses, my father enjoyed solving problems in steel. 

The reality was the business fizzled out in the 1980s.  There were four reasons I know of.  My father found that neither the Conservatives nor Labour cared for small businesses.  He was a lifelong socialist and yet found the unions always sided with his workers, no matter how feckless they were. 

Chasing payments was a constant headache.  Everyone was awaiting payments and when one came through, they would pass it along the line.  There was no point taking a debtor to court because they were in the same boat.  The money would come through eventually.  This played havoc with cash flows.  Even worse was the end creditor, like the Inland Revenue.  They did use the courts and if they made a business bankrupt, all their creditors lost out.

The third problem was the closure of many steel businesses in the mid-1980s.  Many of my father’s regular customers disappeared overnight.

Finally, my father had multiple sclerosis.  It affected his right hand side.  He didn’t know where those limbs were.  This was not good when he was climbing on rooves and erecting chimneys.

Looking back at this history, I think he became increasingly isolated in the business world.  Overnight his business became anachronistic.  He had the inner resources to take this philosophically, he taught himself to meditate and this helped immensely.  He lost his purpose, was constrained by MS and for the last 15 years of his life mourned the passing of his wife.  And yet he was calm and unaware of the inspiration he was to friends and neighbours. 

He made two interlocking squares from metal, the logo for Steel City Squares.  They were still there when we sold the house.

Day 6/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Inscriptions. Next: Newspapers.

*  OK, I’ll put you out of your misery.  There was a window opposite the cellar head and they put a beam across and lowered it down with ropes.  If you’re like me, you’re none the wiser!

Remember

Inscriptions

It would be wrong to say religion was taboo in my family.  As I grew older, I discussed it all the time with my father.  My mother had little to say on the topic.  But practicing religion was taboo.  It was OK to study the religious practices of others but rational people do not fall for religion.  Assuming I’m rational, I fell.

So at the age of about 26, I had to explain to my parents that I was planning to join the Methodist Church.  It was a very hot simmer’s day and we were outside our house, on the concrete drive, under the first floor extension for shade.  This must have been the late 70s.

When I made my announcement, my mother’s response was to disappear indoors.  I don’t remember being concerned, maybe she told us to wait for her.  Several minutes later she reappeared and threw something down on the drive, with some force.  A pall of dust flew up off of it. 

My mother explained she had just retrieved it from the loft, which is where we stored stuff we didn’t need in case it came in handy at a later date.

It was a beautiful edition of the Methodist Hymn Book, with gold-edged pages.  I still have it.  It is inscribed by my grandparents, as a Christmas gift to my mother.

My mother explained that after her parents moved to a part of Sheffield called Crosspool, in the late 40s, I think, they lived yards away from Stephen Hill Methodist Church.  She joined the youth club, as many young people did in those days.  The hymn book was from those days.

Then the Minister left and his replacement was an evangelical.  The Youth Club didn’t like the change and so they all resigned and moved en masse to the Unity on Crookesmoor Road.  A significant theological change but maybe not such a great ecclesiological move. 

It was there she met my father, who lived a few hundred yards away.  I had no idea about this history but my mother took part and sometimes hosted monthly “Girl’s Nights” and most of her friends were still active members at the Unity. 

I was examined in 1984 to qualify as a local preacher by an evangelical minister.  I told him as a response to his question that I could never be an evangelical (my father’s scepticism has some lasting impact!)  But I said, evangelicals have helped me every step of the way, indeed if it wasn’t for an evangelical minister, I would not exist!  He smiled.

I think my mother was the most sceptical of all of us.  It was after she died, my father started to attend the Unity again.  He saw the potential of churches to offer space for those who are isolated.

They can offer solitude too.  A few years ago, I helped a church plan how it could offer spirituality to the many people who passed its doors.  It struck me how there are many church-linked organisations offering excellent retreats, silence, space to find solitude.  And how easy it is to spoil it, by insisting you need to believe this that or the other.  We all seek solitude as much as we do company.  It’s a pity those who know how to find it, so often insist on what we have to believe to find it.

Day 5/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Teesside Advertiser. Next: Steel.

Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge

Teesside Advertiser

I used to write a column for the Teesside Advertiser.  It was one of those free newspapers, mostly adverts, which went through every door in the county, apart from Hartlepool, where they always plough their own furrow.

I got the column during the 1980s, when I worked in Middlesbrough and volunteered with an organisation called RESPOND!  R! was the Churches’ Response to Cleveland’s Industrial  Crisis.  The idea was to visit and report on projects that involved the unemployed.  So, I travelled all over Middlesbrough, Stockton and Langbaugh collecting stories, which seem in retrospect to be mostly about wood workshops.  It would have been a bit dull, writing about cupboards every week but what was interesting was the why – why did so many unemployed people invest their time in these projects?

Almost every column I wrote was published.  There was one exception.  This is its story.

R! had just run a course for long-term unemployed with a few church ministers and the like.  It was called “Dark Holy Ground”.  Someone suggested I visit one of the organisers, Robert Gallagher, vicar of Coulby Newham, which is a new estate, south of Middlesbrough.

Robert’s gift was listening, I can’t remember meeting anyone else with this gift to such a degree.  Throughout the course, Robert listened carefully and made notes on bits of paper.  People on the course also wrote bits and bobs on scraps of paper.  At the end of the course, the organisers had a sizeable pile of paper.

It needed sorting and so the three of them, Robert, Keith who was R!’s paid worker and the Catholic Priest based at Middlesbrough’s Cathedral, took the papers to a pub in Guisborough.  They spent the evening utterly absorbed in discussing each piece and deciding which booklet it belonged and where in its booklet it belonged.

Towards the end of the evening, they finished and looked up to find the bar in silence.  They hadn’t noticed customers silently gathering around and listening to their conversation.  These papers powerfully moved hearts.

Robert explained that at the start, each participant in the course told their story.  This simple exercise changed everything.  Story after story was about the pain of long-term unemployment.  Life without purpose, sat in front of daytime TV all day every day.  If not, then blaming yourself.  Lives of bitterness and futility.  Their stories were pretty much the same.

Then someone said, “Hang on, if this is happening to all of us, it can’t be us who are to blame”.  This led to a flood of creativity.  They studied the Psalms together and found a connection with the writers of songs from long ago, people experiencing much the same thing.  Then they found Psalm 139, v11.  “The darkness with you is no darkness at all, the night is as light as the day.”  And someone said: “It’s still dark!”

Their lives were transformed in all respects apart from material.  They were able to say as they re-engaged with the world around them, “Unemployment is the best thing that happened to me.”  Word spread and a few other groups did a similar exercise.  People once ashamed of their story, were willing to tell it in public.

I’ve known since that conversation with Robert, how powerful storytelling can be – their stories shared, transformed lives.  Unable to share their stories, they were isolated in their pain.  Once they were able to share, they took responsibility for the mistakes of politicians and business owners and made their own way.  They found solitude through telling their stories.

I met Robert once more, he invited me to a second conversation a few days later.  His church council meetings would stretch into the early hours of the morning because he encouraged its members to share their stories.  He saw God has a dark face and the truth is we encounter God in suffering.  We can live with and transform the pain if we know God’s dark face.  This should sound harsh or shocking.

He asked me: “What do you think I feel when I hear a story of great pain and suffering?”  I couldn’t answer that.  “Joy”, he said.  “That’s when I’m closest to God.”

Why didn’t the editor of the Teesside Advertiser publish my column about Dark Holy Ground?  Maybe it was too religious or too political.  What do you think?

Day 4/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject, solitude. The writings are based on a daily prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Whited Sepulchre. Next: Inscriptions.

small white cellar room

A Whited Sepulchre

Very soon after I became a Christian, I met Bill.  He came to mind soon after I started to think of the theme of this post.  I haven’t thought about him for years.  I can remember going to his flat but I can’t remember what it was like!

At the time I was very withdrawn, some people called me “Creeping Jesus”.  I did not interact easily with people although I had made a few good lifelong friends by then.  Bill was not so close and certainly he didn’t set out to mentor me or perhaps he did.  Any road, he offered me opportunities and I took them.

Bill was tall, thin and a chain smoker.  Good looking, loads of girlfriends, charming, charismatic – you know the type.  He was a Quaker and most important at the time, founder of Peace Action Newcastle.  PAN was one of the most active peace groups in the country, in the years just before Greenham Common. 

I had not been involved in anything like it before.  I can’t quite remember how I got involved.  I suspect I picked up a leaflet.  When I became a Christian, I decided to do something about it, so I joined a peace group.  I know you’re supposed to put all your time into church but … well …

Bill blagged use of the cellar in the Quaker Meeting House.  We had a Gestetner, so we could design and produce our own leaflets.  I remember as we entered the whitewashed room, shaped indeed like a whited sepulchre, the heady sent of alcohol from the machine.

I learned how to hand out leaflets, talk to strangers on the street, perform in street theatre.  We were active for 2 – 3 years and I gained Bill’s trust.   I organised Peace on Wheels, a Peace Action Caravan in Cumbria in the summer of 1979.  Fourteen of us toured for a fortnight, visiting towns to perform street theatre and offer training non-violence.  It was Bill’s idea but I organised it, while I was writing my PhD. 

We used the Monster Manuel, a guide to organising.  I’m sure my copy is still somewhere in my house, I’ll find it if I ever get around to tidying.  Bill trusted me to use the Manuel to train others in non-violence.  I remember we ran it in a room in Gateshead.  I set up the room and Bill, who was not participating arrived and insisted that we should not be sat around a table.  We should sit in a circle without a table separating us.  I was not happy because I thought people would want to take notes but the table had to go.

Later Bill returned, I was into the second half of the training session and covering aims and objectives.  Bill interrupted and insisted I had them the wrong way round (I hadn’t).  This turned into a violent row – I knew I was right and would not back down. Why should I? 

This was very embarrassing to both of us.  We shared the ideals of non-violence but we were not so good at it in practice!

I owe Bill a great deal, he got me out of my shell, maybe to the point where I was a threat to his leadership.  Well done, Bill!

Day 3/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject of solitude. The writings are based on a prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous: Not Washing Up! Next: Teesside Advertiser.

washing up on the draining board

Not Washing Up!

Growing up, I rarely did the washing up.  Neither did my sister.  It wasn’t because we were idle so-an-sos or because we were forbidden to do it.  It wasn’t an issue.  It was something Mum and Dad did together.

It was only after my mother died, my father explained it was their daily opportunity for private conversation.  One would wash and the other dry.  What did they discuss?  Who knows?

We all benefitted I’m sure, because their relationship flourished.   Their relationship was the important one.  Somehow their love for each other was expressed through their love for us.  These were the hidden workings of a good family life.

Maybe there was a downside though.  My mother died of cancer over a couple of years.  We were not encouraged to be involved.  I remember the last time I kissed my mother.  My rucksack slipped off my shoulder and she laughed.  I went to the station and never saw her again.

Early on she had an operation.  My sister and I clubbed together and paid for both parents to spend a week at the alternative cancer place in Bristol, this was their last holiday together.  I think they both benefitted.  My mother wanted to experiment with their almost vegan diet, maybe because it cured my father’s constipation.

My father told me of the last time he saw her.  She was in hospital.  When it was time for him to leave, she said “Remember what I’ve told you.”  He understood her.  You might think she meant, I love you.

Maybe what she really meant was: look after yourself, don’t forget all the instructions I gave you.

Maybe what this really meant was: I love you.

Thereafter my father always set the table, on his own usually, for 15 years. 

Washing up, setting the table, all the routine business of living – these are the things through which we are consistently rewarded.

My father was drawn to Zen: “I chopped wood and drew water, then I achieved enlightenment and now I chop wood and draw water.”

Day 2/21 of my writing challenge. Every weekday, I publish a short piece of writing on my subject of solitude. The writings are based on a prompt from Megan Macedo, who leads the challenge. These are all first drafts with minimal revision. Please comment if you find these posts helpful. Previous story: Chocolate Cake. Next: Whited Sepulchre.